I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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