Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
