It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
