I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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