I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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