Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
