1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
