..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
