here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
