i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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