Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
