I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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