8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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