are you still at the devil's house?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
