I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize