After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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