I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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