I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
