He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
