erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
