Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
