where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
