So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
