I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
