It's Friday. Sex?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you didnt know i had herpes?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
