I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
