He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
