someone threw a dead crab at me
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
