I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
