i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
