needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
