Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
soo... how was my night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
