i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
