I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
