don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
