8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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