My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
