final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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