I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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