He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
