Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
