If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
