the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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