This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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