this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
