Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
