My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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