i think i have herpe
just one?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
