i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
