Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
