Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
