When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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