More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
