I can text with my tongue
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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