I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize