remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
