i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
