like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
