so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
