im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
