guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize