Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
