we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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