I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bring me that man meat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
