he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
