Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
