Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You're like the curious george of whores
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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