she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
