you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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