My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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