It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
