Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I currently don't understand fingers.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
