I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
