It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
