jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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