I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
