operation harelip BJ is a go
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
