dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize