I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
