call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
