I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
