What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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