so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
