This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize