Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I need moral support for this bender
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
