my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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