I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize