Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize