Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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