Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i came on her dog
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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