If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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