Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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